I’m back…sort of

Sunday, 8 August 2021

six sunflowers, within a fenced-in garden, tower over a row of green tomato plants, broccoli and cauliflower plants with a bumbling water feature in the front of the image
My garden is a place of joy, happiness, and healing.

The last time I posted was May 20 when I wrote that I was taking a break from electronics. It was the long weekend in May and I put my phone away for the entire weekend. It was liberating! But frustrating too. I didn’t realize how often I pull my phone out to take photos and videos. Or to send a text to a family member. I used my Canon DSLR for photos and videos – it was a little cumbersome and got in the way and I connected with my family through my Mom, who was great at relaying messages.

I can’t tell you how happy I was to pull my phone out of hiding that Monday evening. But, for some reason, writing my blog didn’t resume. A daily habit that began with my 365 Creativity Project in 2019. Again, I felt liberated not having to think of something to write every day. And yet, I missed reading the daily entries. They were a journal of how I spent my time, what I was feeling, where I was going, what I was doing. Looking back, there is this two month gap in my life that I don’t really remember what happened and I miss that. I’ll miss it more next year when I look back to see what the temperature was, how I spent the day, what my garden looked like.

At the time, I knew I would come back to blogging. I just wasn’t sure when or in what way.

I still don’t have the whole picture of what’s next. But I have the next step and really, that’s all that matters. It’s like following the GPS commands: “turn left…stay right at the fork…”. I prefer to know exactly where I’m going and how I’m getting there but, if there’s one thing I have learned on this crazy journey of life, it’s knowing how rare of a gift it is to know the entire plan.

So, I’m following the steps. Baby steps and gigantic leaps. I don’t know where it’s heading, although I have a rough idea. When I look back to the beginning of this year and the things I’ve done, the whispers I heard, trusted and followed, I am in awe of where it has led me, of what it has taught me, of how closer I have moved towards my dream.

A male pumpkin flower is centered in this photo. The flower is star shaped with five large petals. The flower is about 6-8 inches in diameter. Large green leaves surround the flower. A single stem, known as a stamen, rises from the centre of the flower.
A male pumpkin flower.

A dream that I put aside as foolish and unattainable and moved away from, instead looking for something else, wondering what I should be doing with my life, living with an emptiness in my heart and soul, feeling that something is missing.

It was never missing. It was always right there, in front of me. Just waiting for me to wake up and go.

005/366

Sunday, 5 January 2020

Today is bird count day – I count birds every Sunday and Monday from November to March or April. If a really cool or rare bird shows up on other days, unfortunately you can’t count them, so to have one show up on count day…wow! And, wouldn’t you know it, a red-tailed hawk decided to show up today, on count day! Unfortunately, he wasn’t close to the house and my camera lens wasn’t strong enough to get a crisp, clear photo of him. But it was enough to clearly see what he was!

5/366 Photo of the day, 5 January 2020 © WQuinn

In addition to count day, it was also “run errands in Ottawa” day too. We left just before noon and didn’t get back until 4ish. During our drive around Ottawa, we passed by signs for a Psychic Fair. At first, I joked we should go in and see what the year holds for us. After completing some of our errands, I had this strong urge that I needed to go to that fair and talk to someone. Mom, being Mom and knowing about my intuition, agreed and off we went.

I rarely go to another psychic for a reading. This is something I’ve been able to do for myself. I’ve always be very in-tune with my guides and deceased loved ones. Until lately.

I closed the door on my intuitive spiritual counselling business years ago and had no desire to open it up again. A few times I felt guided to do readings for special occasions… but not to hang a shingle out and do it full time again.

Until recently. I feel like I’m being guided to do something. I’m not sure what. As I’ve drifted off to sleep, I’ve asked for clarity to come to my in my dreams. And it has…as clear as dreams can be, which sometimes is not very clear. But I understood I need to listen to my intuition. Listen to what my body is telling me. It’s my best guide, best radar. Think of when you’re on an elevator and someone gets on with you. That overwhelming feeling that you need to get off NOW. Maybe it’s ringing in the ears, pressure on your head, heart racing, hair standing up on the back of your neck, goosebumps…

Off I go to the psychic fair. The energy hits me like a wet blanket on a hot humid day. It’s heavy, hot and feels like desperation. People searching for answers for everyday problems like love, finances, career… answers that come from within if only they’d stop searching outside for them. I walked around the room, checking the energy of each practitioner. Also checking the wait list. I had somewhere I needed to be and didn’t have a lot of time to be here. I found a woman that had one person signed up, after the client she was currently reading for. I added my name to the list and looked around.

I remember those days at the fairs…people walking around, being a practitioner and waiting for clients…the energy is exhausting, but sometimes – as a practitioner – this is the best way to get your name out there, to practice your craft, to help make a difference in someone’s life. They weren’t my favourite days but on a bright note, I did meet some amazing people.

My guides made arrangements to have me moved up the line and I was the next person being read. The reading went well. It was pretty much what I’ve been getting on my own but, even psychics need validation from an outside source every now and then. The bottom line though was to start listening to my body. It’s my compass, my pendulum. My art was also brought up as a way to conduct readings for clients. Very strange and unusual and something I need to sit with.

My guides are saying my early retirement is over and I’m needed back in the world. In a new way. (yet to share that info with me though 😉 )

My body is saying it needs a detox. I have a juice detox planned for this week, raw vegan food prepared for a couple of days and we’ll see how the week goes. Definitely time to smarten up and stay away from the foods causing me problems like dairy, eggs and gluten.

As I prepared to paint tonight’s painting, I was being guided to get the acrylic paints. I followed the guidance and continued following it. Funny, I just had the thought about my 365 Creativity Project that ended Dec 31. For almost all of those paintings, I had no idea what to paint. I followed by guidance. For an entire year. I guess I have been listening, at least in part. Anyway, back to tonight’s painting. I think it’s strange, stupid even, to write forgive with two infinity symbols on a painting. But, I’m following my guidance. They haven’t steered me wrong…ever. In fact, whenever I’ve gotten into trouble, it’s because I haven’t listened to them. Free will and all.

I give you…forgive. Forgive what’s happened, forgive what’s to happen. But most of all. Forgive you.

Take a minute and focus on the word forgive. See what happens, what comes to mind, what you see, what you feel, what you know.

I would love to hear your experience with this painting so please leave me a comment below.

Forgive.

w.

5/366 Painting of the day, Forgive, 5 Jan 2020 ©WQuinn

365…day 7

It was a cold, grey, overcast, cloudy, windy, uninviting day. So when I took a break for lunch, I read a book instead of going for a walk. One of the benefits of teleworking, I can crawl into bed during my lunch break and nap, or curl up with a good book and my two cats.

By the time I signed off for the day, I was in need of fresh air and time in nature, so I bundled up and braved the cold. It was dark now, no stars peeking through. I walked around the yard, then headed down to the river to walk the labyrinth. As I stood in the centre, giving thanks and opening my heart to receive, I took in the sight before me: The sky, a gradient of dark blue at the top to light blue as it reached the horizon with clouds of light pollution. Silhouettes in all shapes and sizes of evergreens, and the odd deciduous tree poking out. Snow covered banks, and the river. The river, frozen earlier, a portion of it open the last few days, once again frozen, leaving a dark trail in the centre of two white banks.

It was picturesque. I was sorry I didn’t bring my camera and tripod with me, then in that split second, I had the thought – why not paint it.

Of course, ego was quick to rule that idea out. Yet, I stood watching the view, enjoying it, soaking it in, taking note of the shadows and highlights. Giving thanks, I continued on my journey out of the centre of the labyrinth and back to the house.

Now was as good as a time as any to work on my painting of the day. In the spirit of 365 days of creativity and a painting a day, I thought, what the hey, it wouldn’t hurt to give it a try.

7/365 Painting of the day
January 7, 2019 ©WQuinn

Not completely what I saw, but close enough, especially working with watercolour paints.

The words I heard on my way out the labyrinth tonight were: trust and believe.

365…day 6

The first week of January has come and gone and, just like that we’re into 2019. How’s it working for you so far? Keeping up those resolutions?

I have six days of creativity under my belt. Six paintings, six writings, and six photos. Well almost six photos. I took one this morning that I’m not overly thrilled with and am keeping the door open to the possibility of something happening later on today.

What I’ve learned thus far is it’s challenging being creative when you’re not in the mood to be. Forcing yourself to be creative…seems counter productive, perhaps even counter-intuitive, but I’m learning it’s the opposite.

By putting myself into the creative space, even if my whole heart and soul are not feeling it, I’m at least showing up, putting myself in a space to receive. You can’t win the lottery if you don’t buy a ticket. You can’t get water out of a tap until you turn it on. By showing up and turning on the “tap” every day, I’m allowing spirit to flow through, bringing ideas to me, allowing creativity to flow in and through me.

I’ve been amazed by the paintings. Starting with a blank canvas, having no idea what to do, or the direction it will take, I just follow my intuition, listen for clues, try this, do that, what do you want to do? Then following the advice, taking a step back and being amazed at the final result.

The photo a day hasn’t reached that level of creativity, yet. I’m going to dedicate more time to it next week and see what happens.

I think the biggest thing I can take away from six days of this creativity project is it’s not about the end result. It’s not about the quality of the painting, photo or writing, but about the process. It’s about showing up, everyday, ready to connect with spirit and challenge myself to listen to their guidance and follow it. I suppose you could call it a form of meditation. Whatever it is, I’m enjoying it and remind myself every day – enjoy the process. Don’t worry about the end product. And don’t worry about what others will think of it. No judging. No comparing. Just peace and love.

006/365 Painting of the day
Jan 6, 2019 ©WQuinn