I’m back…sort of

Sunday, 8 August 2021

six sunflowers, within a fenced-in garden, tower over a row of green tomato plants, broccoli and cauliflower plants with a bumbling water feature in the front of the image
My garden is a place of joy, happiness, and healing.

The last time I posted was May 20 when I wrote that I was taking a break from electronics. It was the long weekend in May and I put my phone away for the entire weekend. It was liberating! But frustrating too. I didn’t realize how often I pull my phone out to take photos and videos. Or to send a text to a family member. I used my Canon DSLR for photos and videos – it was a little cumbersome and got in the way and I connected with my family through my Mom, who was great at relaying messages.

I can’t tell you how happy I was to pull my phone out of hiding that Monday evening. But, for some reason, writing my blog didn’t resume. A daily habit that began with my 365 Creativity Project in 2019. Again, I felt liberated not having to think of something to write every day. And yet, I missed reading the daily entries. They were a journal of how I spent my time, what I was feeling, where I was going, what I was doing. Looking back, there is this two month gap in my life that I don’t really remember what happened and I miss that. I’ll miss it more next year when I look back to see what the temperature was, how I spent the day, what my garden looked like.

At the time, I knew I would come back to blogging. I just wasn’t sure when or in what way.

I still don’t have the whole picture of what’s next. But I have the next step and really, that’s all that matters. It’s like following the GPS commands: “turn left…stay right at the fork…”. I prefer to know exactly where I’m going and how I’m getting there but, if there’s one thing I have learned on this crazy journey of life, it’s knowing how rare of a gift it is to know the entire plan.

So, I’m following the steps. Baby steps and gigantic leaps. I don’t know where it’s heading, although I have a rough idea. When I look back to the beginning of this year and the things I’ve done, the whispers I heard, trusted and followed, I am in awe of where it has led me, of what it has taught me, of how closer I have moved towards my dream.

A male pumpkin flower is centered in this photo. The flower is star shaped with five large petals. The flower is about 6-8 inches in diameter. Large green leaves surround the flower. A single stem, known as a stamen, rises from the centre of the flower.
A male pumpkin flower.

A dream that I put aside as foolish and unattainable and moved away from, instead looking for something else, wondering what I should be doing with my life, living with an emptiness in my heart and soul, feeling that something is missing.

It was never missing. It was always right there, in front of me. Just waiting for me to wake up and go.